bumbleflyer · services

I just came back from a conference on the Millenium Development Goals, and i feel inspired to do something to work towards those goals.
there are 8 parts to the goal
1)Halve the number of people living in poverty
2)make primary education universal
3)halve the number of women who die from child birth
4)halve the infant mortality rate
5)Combat the spread of HIV/AIDS and other diseases
6)create a sustainable environment
7)eradicate gender inequality
8)global cooperation for development

It was good to be reminded of the severity of the problem - every 3 second, a child dies because of completely unnecessary reasons due to extreme poverty.
more than half the world's population live on less than S$2.50 a day

If I got back anything from it, though, it is that change does not happen dramatically. There is no magic cure to all these problems, and they will not be solved in a day. They might not even be solved by 2015. But that is not important. What is important is that each and everyone of us endeavor to achieve these goals, wherever we are. Whether it is simply by education others around us, or by volunteering at certain organizations, by sending in a petition to the government, or by making lifestyle changes that can have effect, our SMALL actions count.

I'm going to try to live my conviction out, though it'll be hard to. I don't want to live in my comfort zone, and see the world from my sheltered life. I guess i hope to effect change, even in my small simple ways.

And that's just our prerogative, says Generation Me, fingers poised above the do-over button. We can pick and choose among limitless possibilities seemingly unattached to consequence because today's 20-somethings are living out an extended adolescence in a manner unlike any generation before them. We're still knocking around and figuring it out, often on our parents' dime."

I guess the shocker moment came for me when this lady, Andi, who had one of these starter marriages said: " "I think marriage is the new dating and having kids is the new marriage," What she suggested to me was pretty much absurd.

Firstly, it's merely pushing the problem one step back, isn't it? In the past, Engagements were treated with the same solemnity as marriage- it was not something you broke at the snap of your fingers. But overtime, it seems like these boundaries are corroding, and are being pushed farther and farther back. The question that might then follow Andi's arguement is, why stop at kids? Why not say that having kids is the new dating, and ..... is the new marriage? Perhaps because i can't seem to think of anything more serious than having kids... dying, perhaps? But that's just the point. By pushing the Ultimate barrier for "things that are worth commitment" further and further back, there are less and less things to commit to, in the first place.

Marriage was supposed to be a sacred union of two individuals who knew that they wanted to be together forever. Now, it's been trivialized to the temporary (perhaps permanent, but not likely) union of two people who are happily in the throes of passion (not love; we can't be SURE, you see). No one can be sure, in that sense. But i think the whole point of saying your vows is so that you are forced to think, to reflect and see if it is really what you want, and what is best for you. 

The article ends with Andi saying that she tries not to think of whether or not her husband is THE ONE. As she says, it's like thinking that you're stuck with the same haircut for life. I can't judge Andi, and honestly, i don't want to. But i despair. This is not the world i want to step out into. This is not the kind of a place where i want to say "Till death (or inconvenience, or a change of mind, or a change in situation, or a change in personality, or a change in looks or a...) us part" 

Marriage is such a potential. I see the lifestories of old couples who have lived and loved their whole lives together. I think of "Fiddler on the Roof", and of the countless match-made couples who made love happen, because they saw their marriage as "forever". I want that for myself. I don't buy into the consumerist culture of today. I refuse to. It's not worth it. How can we expect to get anything good out of cheap goods? The less we're willing to pay, the less we'll get. GOOD commodities will always be scarce. If we're not willing to pay for quality goods, we won't get them. 

Unhappy world! How shackled are you! If only, if only you saw freedom, knocking on your door! yet you turn to face darkness, and all the promises of gold.

Current Mood:

sad

It was a last minute decision, made whilst crossing the overhead bridge. On a whim, i decided to walk home, instead. It's not so ludicrous, when you live three stops down, you see. It occurred to me that in taking a bus, i'd be walking in the opposite direction, to reach the bus stop... it's alot like life, isn't it? We walk in the opposite way, hoping that i'd somehow lead us to where we want to go. 

Nevertheless, coming back.

It was barely drizzling at first, and to be honest, i didn't mind the rain. It wasn't a refreshing shower, it was one of those dour showers that convince you of the despondancy of life (Sometimes, i think God created rain to reflect our emotions). so i talked to God and walked, gathering my wits and fancies, until it occurred to me that it wasn't drizzling anymore, it was raining. And then i wanted it to stop, but of course it didn't. There were times where it did lighten, but only for a little while. But for the strangest reason, i started to see so many things that i'd never realised when the sun was shining. I noticed that the trees didn't just provide shade, they were shelter! I noticed that we had hair! That hair didn't only feel nice, and look nice, but it acted as a clothe! I noticed that water didn't get into my eyes, and other little things like that. 

And then God did it again.

No silly, he didn't stop the rain. That'd be a tad unoriginal.

No, instead, as i was walking past a bus stop, an umbrella appeared in front of me, as if from thin air. I actually gawped at it, stupidly. And then i saw the tall, dark man gesturing for me to take it. A total complete stranger had just given me his umbrella. Share an umbrella? Sure, i've had nice old ladies do that. But never had one given to me. It was like God telling me that he'd always, always be there. Even if no one else was there, he'd see me home. He'd protect me, and comfort me, and take care of me like no one else could.

It's quite timely, really. I'd been feeling far, far away from God. Angry at God, too. I felt bereft of my God- friend, i felt lonely. I felt that while doing QT, i was facing a wall, reading his condemnation off it.  I was unworthy of him. I'd sinned, one too many times. I'd been wrong, all along, about who i was. I missed his loving presence. I missed feeling his favour upon me, like a warm, comfortable blanket. I missed feeling his wind, driving me forward.

Less than 4 weeks to promos. I've got so much to do, but finally, finally, i think i can do it. Before this, i have been wasting away, discouraged and afraid to go on, alone. But now, i guess i've realised something i should have known all along. God's with me. He always is, and always will be. Though i may walk in the rain sometimes, he's there. And he'll always suprise me, just when i think i'm not going to make it.

A good friend of mine said that some people subscribe to religion because they fear that if they let go, they will lose their hold on the only solid structure in place. have a structure, then, and you'd be capable of letting go of religion. Perhaps it is true, for some. Sadly true, though. If you look for structure in Christianity, i think you will find it strangely hollow. It will be just another religion, with just another set of laws to follow. I guess in that sense, it does afford security. A set of ideologies that u can live by. But yet, i can't seem to derive any comfort from that. Of late, it's these very sets of laws that have oppressed me, driven into me a sense of failure, a sense of despair. From my own experience, i find it to the contrary. I find that people turn to God when structures fail. And i find that if they turn their religion into a structure, they start to grow cynical about it, to doubt it. There are alot of things outside religion that are structures. Science, for example. Religion does have structure. But perhaps that is the result of organized religion. Perhaps religion in itself, like the philosophy of Taoism as opposed to Taoism itself, is in your understanding of it. YOUR understanding of it. And for me, it's about how real my God is, to me. Coincidence? Perhaps. I could be just a VERY fortunate girl. But i don't know. Somehow luck seems more surreal than a God.

Despite the fact that this is my Dad's umpteenth time abroad, I feel unsettled by his absence. It's in times like this that i realise that my dad has always exerted a presence over our household, even if he comes home late, and we hardly see each other at all. But I guess it's the security he provides, just by being there. My poor daddy's stressed, and honestly, i don't mind if he retires now. Even if it means giving up all the small luxuries we have. Sometimes i feel so overwhelmed with gratitude for all he has given for us. When I see his eye bags, his white hair, his permanently creased forehead, I feel like crying with thankfulness. What did I do to deserve a daddy like him? God, help me to be an obedient child that will be a crown to him in his old age. Help me to never ever forget all that he has done for me. Thank you for letting me be his daughter, God. I am SO blessed

Current Mood:

thankful

And I am home. That feeling of comfort and peace, of satisfaction is so tangible, it is like my heart were my stomach, filled with the hearty stew of love. In these moments, my praise and thanksgiving stretch out infinitely before me, and what God has done for me becomes so evident.

breathe.
explode in laughter,
a bird uncaged and singing.
And all the universe's smiles and glees
congregate to shout praise to you.

i feel like some toad, with a bubble of delight waiting to CROAK out. 
Oh jesus, you have taken away my fear, my shame, my guilt! You have blessed me richly, giving more than i deserve. You lift me over trials, and give me stalwart knights to carry  me through. How i love you!

Current Mood:

PEACE!

This weekend's been trying, what with personal disappointments, and the burden of other people's hurts on my shoulders. 
Sometimes you catch yourself despairing, that this world is ever going to be alright. I think C S Lewis, pre-conversion quoted "Had God created the world, it would not be so frail and faulty as we see", and i guess i can see where he was coming from. Yet I know that the world we live in isn't the ideal world that God created, but the world corrupt. I guess the world in this stinking repugnating state just makes heaven shine all the more brighter. 
I wonder why anyone could love the world so much that they could not let go of it. The world eats into your soul, it tears at your humanity and corrupts the body. The world is like a tapestry, created by a master weaver, yet, being attacked by moths, have holes, and is fraying, slowly unravelling. Seen from afar, there is yet beauty to be capture, but the essence of the beauty is not in what is, but in what it must have been, and could have been. It is the sort of beauty that leaves one wanting, yearning for that ideal. Perhaps that is why God let all this emptiness enter. Without emptiness, we would not know what it is to want. Without knowing what it is to want, we would not know what it is to have. It is unthinkable that we would not relish in perfection, if we had had it. Yet, i think we would not recognise it for what it was, never having experienced imperfection. It flows through with good, and beautiful. We need opposites to recognise what the actual thing is. And because i know what perfection is not, i know what good is not, and i know what beauty is not, i can not wait to see what all three combined into one place makes. Like one breaks from the water surface and gulps for air, I will gulp heaven when i reach it. Now i struggle on towards the surface, holding my breathe, hoping for the strength to reach the surface.
I was talking to my classmate, on the way home from STJ. He said that he'd rather believe in ghosts than believe that when we die, we, a biological organism would break down and die, becoming nothing more than matter. It seems incomprehensible for us to believe that we are nothing more than more evolved animals, without soul, without spirit, and yet we persist in basing our scientific knowledge on it. I don't believe that we are just slightly more evolved animals. In contrast, believing that God exists, and heaven and hell exists seems so much more feasible, to me. If we establish that it seems ridiculous that we don't have souls, then why is it more feasible to believe that these souls just return to roam the earth, rather than that they go to somewhere else? Technically, if everyone becomes a ghost, there'd be overcrowding. I guess people get scared off by the whole concept of hell. But it need not be alarming. The fear in hell comes before you believe in it, and your soul senses the eminent danger you are in if you do not believe. Once you believe there's a heaven and a hell, and that there's a choice to be made, why not choose heaven?

Current Mood:

contemplative